P.S.: (Well, in this context, P.S. means Pre Script!! ;P): I am writing this blog after a
really long time! The last one that I wrote was sometime in March 2011. It
feels nice to be able to do something that I like, after so long!
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From the time I started
practising as an Advocate, I was sure about one thing. That I shall not handle
any divorce matters! The reason is simple. Interpretation of law is minimal, in
fact, zero, in such matters. There is no scope for growth as a lawyer by
dealing in such matters. Frustration levels are really high (both for the
parties and the advocate). The Advocate eventually turns into a counsellor to
the Clients as they come to him/her to only bitch about their estranged spouse!
Luckily, I did not get any divorce
matter to handle for one and a half years after I started my practice and I was
quite happy about that. But then, I got 3 divorce matters all of a sudden
within a span of 2 months. I was NOT pleased. The only solace was that out of
the three matters, two of them were mutual consent divorce petitions*. The 3rd
one was a contested divorce matter**. The same was referred to mediation*** to
explore the possibilities of settlement. I did not want to attend or be
involved in that matter, one bit. But then, when you are working under someone,
you are working at their will and what you think or feel, your likes/ dislikes
or what your ideals/ principles are, are inconsequential! So I had to go to the
mediation. I tried to convince myself that it may be good and that I need to
know the procedure atleast from the point of view of my learning. But I was
wrong!
That mediation was a total
disaster! The parties fought so much that on the last day of the mediation, one
of the parties almost slapped the other! That was IT. That experience just made
me hate family matters even more and made me feel proud of my wisdom of
deciding not to deal with such matters!
After coming out of that shock
and taking a good break from attending family matters, the time for the mutual
consent matters had come! The procedure for a petition for divorce by mutual
consent is that after the petition is filed, the court adjourns the matter for
a period of six months. Law does not encourage divorce. Therefore, the Legislature
in its wisdom, thought it fit to give considerable time and space to the
parties after filing of the petition to mull over their decision so that they
may change their mind and withdraw their petition for divorce.
Then when the matter comes up
before the court after six months, the parties may either withdraw the petition
or go ahead with the divorce. Once the parties express their consent for
divorce, the matter shall be referred to mediation, where the parties set down
the terms of settlement before the mediator, with the help and guidance of
their lawyer/s. Terms of settlement are usually regarding the quantum of maintenance/
alimony to be paid by the husband to the wife, either in cash or kind,
regarding the custody of the child/ children, if any. Then the parties shall
sign the memorandum of settlement before the mediator which shall be sent back
to the Court. Then the Court, by its order, dissolves the marriage of the
Petitioners, as per the settlement agreement entered into by them. So, mutual consent
matters are comparatively less painful for the parties and their advocate/s.
Although the mutual consent
petition is less emotionally taxing for the parties, it is most irritating for
the advocate (especially for an advocate like me who has NO patience when it
comes to dealing with these never ending worthless procedures!!) The procedure
is really long and cumbersome. It takes an entire day for getting the matter
disposed, if you are lucky. If not, 2-3 days. Getting the file transferred from
court to the mediation centre, getting a mediator appointed, getting the terms
of settlement typed by the typist, getting the file back to court from
mediation is one BIG process. All these clerks and peons who carry the file
from court to mediation centre and back to court want their hands to be greased.
(The Family court and the mediation centre are situated in the same building! So
the “transfer” that I am talking about, is carrying the file from 3rd
floor to ground floor and back to 3rd floor... in LIFT!!). Pleading with
these clerks who act all important but have nothing in their head, is a real
pain in the a##!! In between, these parties keep coming and asking their
endless doubts and clarifications about what time the mediation would get over,
what time it will be called before court, what time they will be divorced!
Aaargghhhh!!!!! But I knew I had no other choice, so I had to do it.
I was wondering about those
advocates who practice ONLY family matters!! How frustrated would they be!
However, I did not want to sympathise with them coz they would have voluntarily
chosen that! I was determined to get the matter disposed within one day. In
fact, I was more interested in getting the couple divorced than they themselves
were! So I went to court, did all that I had to do to finish it as soon as I
could.
Amidst all that frustration and
endless waiting and irritation, I observed something. It was strange and nice
in a way and seemed very ironical. It in fact made me wonder what could have
possibly gone wrong between my clients that they took such a drastic decision
of ending their marriage!
As I have explained before,
since disposing the matter (in this case, mutual consent divorce petition)
usually takes an entire day, the husband and wife are required to be in court
the whole day i.e., from morning 11 to evening 5. They sit together as they
have to appear at the same time before the judge, when the matter is called out.
They wait together in the mediation centre as they do not want to waste any
time when the mediator calls them. They co operate with each other so much that
day, that it makes anyone who sees them, wonder if they are really getting divorced!
In the matter that I attended,
after the mediator spoke to my clients regarding the terms of settlement, he
asked them to come back at 3 PM within which time, he would have the agreement
typed. So I told my clients that they may finish their lunch and come back. Both
the husband and wife told me that they had found a restaurant nearby and that
they will be back in mediation centre at 3 PM sharp. They went out happily,
smiling and teasing each other! I was genuinely surprised!! Then after the
second session of mediation was over, they went back to court and sat next to
each other and were waiting for their matter to be called. While they were
sitting there, they seemed to be having a fun time as I saw them laughing with
each other and having a quiet understanding between them. He would know what
she wanted to say even before she said it and she laughed even before he
cracked the joke! It seemed as if they had gone on their first date!
When I
observed all this, I was really perplexed. In fact, I wanted to ask them if they
were aware of what would happen when the Judge called out the matter. I found
it so ironical!! That entire day, the husband and wife were so good with each other
and happy with each other that they looked like newlyweds.
That
made me realise that for that one day, they put all their egos aside, and they
were so cordial with each other. They could have chosen to sit separately, have
lunch separately and could have stayed away from each other, but they did not
do that and it made me so confused that I found it strange but interesting in a
good way! That showed that they were not incompatible, its just that they were
not ready to make it work! That is all. When it is not an extreme case of
cruelty or dowry harassment or adultery or an extra marital affair, I do not understand
why a couple should get divorced! The reason that they give for separation is
that they have irreconcilable differences and they are incompatible. If that
was really true, they would not have spent the entire day together so happily! Yes,
you may say that they seemed happy BECAUSE they were getting divorced. Somehow,
I do not feel that is a sound reasoning.
If you
really want to make your relationship work, you surely will. Differences and
incompatibilities do not matter! There is no couple in this world that hasn’t
had a disagreement, conflict of interests or differences of opinion. In fact,
that is one common thing that every couple has!! It is nothing but ego. And in
today’s lifestyle, no one seems to have the energy or the patience to deal with
the intricacies and nuances of a relationship. They want everything to happen
quickly. But human relationships are not that easy, are they?! It takes so much
time to understand a person and see how good he/she is. Sadly, no one seems to
have the time to wait to see that goodness! I just hope people become less
impatient atleast when it comes to their personal lives!
I still
do hate family matters. Its just that 2 matters made me a philosopher already! I hope my partners aren’t reading this 'coz I
do not want them to assign me anymore family matters, thinking that I am
learning something out of that!! Please NOOOOO!!! :D
*Petition for divorce by mutual consent: The Husband
and Wife file a petition seeking divorce with mutual consent. In that petition,
both parties do not have any objections in getting their marriage dissolved.
**Contested divorce matter: A case where one of the spouses files a case
for dissolution of marriage on one of the grounds provided in the statute. For
instance, cruelty, adultery, extra marital affair, a communicable disease etc.
***Mediation: A process where two opposing parties are made to sit across the
table and explore the possibility of reaching a settlement in respect of their
dispute, with the help of a neutral third party called the Mediator.
